Head Towards the Light...

Flowers grow from darkness underneath the dirt upwards towards the light, and with enough light and water, they bloom. I saw a quote which iterated that more eloquently than I just did, but I've been thinking about it a lot since I came across it. 

Things feel very dark for me right now. I feel as if I'm fighting through the dirt, trying to find my way to the light, trying to overcome the obstacles in front of me, and despite my hard work, years of struggling, and sheer persistence, I am knocked back down below the surface. 

I should probably explain. You see, I came so close to finally having a full-time job, in my field, doing something I'm passionate about, with a company I love, in a city I love, and it fell through my fingers. 

For whatever reason, it just was not meant to be, no matter how much I wanted it, no matter how confident I felt about it, no matter anything, it was not in the cards for me. At least that is what I've been telling myself for the last week when I start feeling that sense of failure that accompanies getting rejected.

Maybe I said something stupid. Maybe my background wasn't exactly what they were looking for. Maybe I wore the wrong outfit. Maybe my handshake sucked. Maybe they hated my voice. 

Maybe's aside, I have to face it-- the job is not mine. That is now the past and my focus is on today and the future. I'm going to keep fighting through the dirt, in the dark, clawing my way to the surface, growing along the way. Someday soon, I will see a glimmer of the proverbial light. I'll get another chance at achieving my goals and realizing my current dreams. I'll get the job that is perfect for me and I will bloom into a beautiful flower, and when I do, I will appreciate it that much more and I will work that much harder. My struggle is not in vain, my skills will not go unused, and my dreams will come true!

April Dreams Bring... ?

We're already a few days into April. Three months of 2013 down.
Whenever a new month begins I always end up thinking about how fast life moves and all of the things I want to accomplish.
I want to expand my garden.
I want to do something with my ridiculously long hair. A new color, a new cut, a new something.
I want to visit Philly. I miss it there.
I want to keep creating. Paint. Draw. Sew.
I want to see Jurassic Park in 3D because well, Jurassic Park is awesome.
I want to accomplish so many things and the days never seem long enough.
There are things I want for myself that seem so unattainable at the moment, like when you wake up from a fantastically real dream and for a few blissful seconds you are still mentally there. It all seems reachable. The dreamy haze wears off though. I realize that I still have yet to make my dreams come true but that's okay. One day my dreams will come true and then I'll have new dreams to work towards.
Until then, I'll keep creating and exploring and trying new things and enjoying the life I have now before change comes knocking at the door.

March on...

March is more than halfway over. Spring officially begins although the snowy, blustery weather has been telling me differently. Here's a little photo diary of my life lately while I anticipate warmer and sunnier days...

Snapshot of my little collection of pins.

My second Groovebook which prints 100 of your photos and puts them into a book for $2.99

Playing with Sharpie Paint Pens in a composition notebook

Everyday rings and a fresh coat of paint on the nails 

A throwback to when I lived in Philly. I miss you.

If you give me a Sharpie I will doodle on just about anything 

A new tube of Baby Lips (which I am in love with) and another fresh coat of nail polish

Tearin' Up My Heart (& My Closet)

I've been slowly going through my wardrobe the last few weeks trying to purge unworn or worn out items. I still have t-shirts from when I was in grade school. Not even joking. I found an NSYNC t-shirt that I bought from their first major tour (no shame). I still have my uniform from when I was in high school (have I mentioned that I went to Catholic school for twelve years of my life?).

Anyway, I've also been going through my wardrobe to give new life to things that I love but have neglected. Here's some of the looks I've been conjuring up... <3

Striped tee + floral skirt + studded messenger bag + peep-toe booties + layered necklaces

Thrifted 90s button-up floral dress + drapey  cardigan + peep-toe booties + lariat necklace

Metallic lace tunic + white shirt + slouchy cropped pants + purple bag + peep-toe booties + layered pendant necklaces

Instagram-ification

Lately... Life through Instagram photos.

Today.

Today I decided to skip the jeans and boring t-shirt and instead don a LBD which was happily discovered at Salvation Army along with the striped sweater. Yay for trying to keep one of my goals!

Twentythirteen

Another new year begins. A fresh start and a fresh, positive attitude.
Here are thirteen goals I have set for myself for the next twelve months of my life...

1. Travel to the West Coast. The farthest west I have traveled is Pittsburgh so this is a huge goal I have set for the summer. I might not return.

2. Blog more. I'm ashamed of myself for neglecting this blog. There is no excuse but the last few months have been kind of crazy. Here's to a new year of expressing myself!

3. Upgrade my style. The last year I have not been true to my fashionable inner self. Boring jeans almost every day with a boring t-shirt. Definitely not what a Fashion Merchandising grad with hopes of working in the industry should be wearing. Another shameful act that I hope to rectify this new year.

4. Create. Put my creativity to use and make beautiful things.

5. Get a job in my field. I have been trying for so long that I need a brand new approach. I have the brains. I have the degree. I have the passion. I have absolute desire. Now I just have to stand out among the countless other applicants I compete with. This is a major goal of mine for this year.

6. Move. Anywhere else. This goal is significantly tied to the previous one. Don't get me wrong, I'm so grateful that I have a home but living with parents post-college is just... Different. I'm a city girl at heart and living in this small town is making me yearn for a change.

7. Refine my sewing skills. I taught myself how to sew and use my sewing machine now I need to perfect those skills and learn new techniques to up my game.

8. Organize my photos. Currently I have over 2,500 pictures just on my iPhone. I love taking photos and preserving memories but organizing them is a whole other ball game. I have photos from my parents and grandparents that deserve some TLC as well as the thousands I have taken since I received my first camera when I was about eight years old.

9. Be more decisive. I love that the Libra inside of me sees both sides to every story but it does not help when decisions need to be made. It tears at me and half the time I end up flipping a coin.

10. Be more aggressive. Yes be aggressive. B-E aggressive. I will never attain my number 5 goal if I don't work on this. I'm mellow and chill but way too timid and shy. Since I started bartending I have definitely come out of my proverbial shell but that won't get me ahead.

11. Yoga. Running. Basketball. Hiking. Kick my ass back into active gear. No excuses.

12. Expand my horizons. Listen to new and old music. Watch new and old movies. Read more books and poetry. Visit more art galleries. Inject more culture into my life.

13. Simply make this year better than the last.